I think I’m addicted to swiping.
On dating apps, that is.
I have very little interest in meeting the love of my life/partner in crime on a dating app. That doesn’t mean I’m diminishing its power for others to find that, or to find booty calls, or friends, etc. I’ve online dated off and on for years, and with the new technology of having all of the dating apps available with the touch of your finger on your smart phone, good lord, it’s a savior from boredom.
And it’s just that, for me—A savior from boredom.
So, I’m think I’m addicted to the swiping. Just that, though. The swiping. I delete these apps all the time, and then feel the need to have something to do while I’m waiting in line at the store, or just relaxing in bed. Who might be out there??
Anytime I actually meet up with one of these fellows there is an immediate let down. And if it’s not immediate, it’ll follow shortly, the inevitable always does. My philosophy on going into these coffee dates is to be open to meeting someone new that I wouldn’t normally have the chance to meet in the “real world”. But so many people out there, and I was guilty of this years ago, believe that because you’ve already “matched” online and you’ve shared a few conversations back and forth, that you should already have chemistry when you meet up.
That’s just not the case. How unfortunate to put so much on meeting someone. These coffee dates lack a lot of the nuance that just comes from meeting someone naturally. Sometimes you click with someone, and sometimes you don’t, but gosh, people take it so very personally.
That’s not to say that I don’t get a tiny bit butt hurt if I’ve gone out with someone a few times, and they call it quits because they’re not feeling it. I mean, I’ve done the same thing to men, and we all get a little butt hurt based on our own baggage. Part of my baggage just happens to be, “Hey, look, I’m not good enough AGAIN”, but I’ve learned how to cope and handle that in my own ways. It isn’t always about me (because I’m dope, I know this), sometimes there just isn’t that extra “thing”, that extra bit of “je ne sais quoi”, and you simply cannot fault someone for NOT feeling that.
But back to swiping.
It’s just so very easy to do that with dating apps; To just “swipe” a person away as if what they have to offer isn’t as good as what they look like. That’s what online dating is—vanity for the most part. We, the single daters of the world, and in this particular instance, of Los Angeles, get to be stupidly discerning about what it is we’re “looking for” on these apps. Truly? Most people are looking for someone they find attractive, first and foremost, and then we look at the qualifying details of their profile. Hopefully, people have matured enough to know that even though they might find someone uber attractive, via their photos, it doesn’t mean they’d be a good match, once you read their deets.
It’s so very easy to continue swiping for that “perfect” someone, even if you’ve already matched with a bunch of people. So many people, speaking specifically about L.A. now, are always looking for something “better”, they might not know what that is, but they don’t care about what is actually in FRONT of them. I’ve experienced it (even in relationships!), I’ve done it, and I hear countless stories from other people who’ve experienced it.
What is so difficult about knowing that, okay, maybe someone better is around the corner, but gosh, I choose this person anyways? I don’t mean to get rid of personal standards, absolutely not! Love is easy to fall in to, but a choice every day to maintain.
I don’t know how to solve this problem. I don’t know how to get people to stop and look at what is here, now. I just know what I see and what I’ve experienced on these dating apps, and it’s terrible. Dating is terrible.
I’m done with my diatribe. I need to go swipe now.